Rigging Workplace Tragedy - Rebecca Orr - Threads of Life

Rebecca Orr was six months pregnant when her husband Lance lost his life in a fatal construction workplace tragedy in Alberta in 2009 working as a rigger.  Tune in to hear about the incident that changed their lives forever.

Transcript

Perley Brewer (Guest)   0:36
Today's podcast my name is Pearlie Brewer and I will be your host. Today's podcast guest is Rebecca Orr, who is here today to share with us the story of the loss of her husband, Lance, and the dangers of being over tired on the job. Rebecca, thank you for agreeing to Share your story with us today. It obviously is can't be an easy thing for you to do.

Rebecca    1:00
You for having me? I'm glad I could be here.

Perley Brewer (Guest)   1:02
Let's start a discussion, Rebecca with you, telling us about your husband, Lance, and what life was like prior to the day he was killed on the job.

Rebecca    1:13
Met when we were teens. We were in the same youth group together out here in a small country church in Alberta.
We're best friends to begin with.
He was. He was someone that loved the great outdoors. He loved hunting and fishing and spending time with family and friends and and family was was really important to him. We got married.
In July 1st of 2006.
And so at the time, we hadn't even been married three years yet. And so there's a lot of growing pains.
In those first couple of years of marriage and and we were both, we were both super Young.
At the time as well.
But he was someone that would just give his shirt off his back for anybody. He's someone that would stop and help people who needed it would offer his truck if anybody needed it. And so which was something I admired about him, for sure, but also something that could drive.
A person mad at the same.
Same time too. He was a workaholic. He loved, he loved his job, he loved, he loved what he did and so work often tend to come first. A lot of the time.
Which for a young married couple is really hard to adjust to.
And get used to and and I would say about six months probably leading up.
To to the incident.
Was probably the best six months of our marriage.
Which?
It was really nice to have that memory.
Into play as well so, but yeah, he he had a very gentle nature to him. He he was. He was wonderful. Be around people wanted to be around him. He he he adored my family and wanted to be wanted to be around my family and and.
It was something that obviously drew me to him, for sure.

Perley Brewer (Guest)   3:16
So what did your husband do for as an occupation?

Rebecca    3:20
My husband was a construction worker. He was a rigger, and so his job was to.
Load things up to cranes and then let the crane operator know when it was time to move the load, and so he he loved his job. He moved around the industry.
Quite easily and was well liked and and people wanted him on their cruise.

Perley Brewer (Guest)   3:47
Did he ever talk to or did you ever have a discussion about safety on the job?
Or to the point of thing that ever came up.

Rebecca    3:53
Not no, not really. I mean, you never. You never think things are gonna happen to you, right? I mean, there was always. There was always. I shouldn't say always.
There were close calls or there was there was interest, maybe not necessarily on his site, but you know, around the industry around the construction industry. But you never think it's going to happen to you. And so anytime, anytime I did go, oh, wait a second, he was very quick to kind of just brush it off. I mean, he was one of the safest people that I knew. And so as much as.
Any construction workers really aren't a fan of safety officers or whatever. Lance was Lance was very.
He would never put himself or anybody else at risk like he was very confident in what he did. And so I never really had a reason.
To fear or have a reason to think that it could happen.
To us at all. So no, it never really came up in discussion or you never really think about it until it actually does happen to you and it completely changes your whole perspective.

Perley Brewer (Guest)   5:02
So tell us what happened the day that he died on the job.

Rebecca    5:07
So if anybody has lived in Alberta.
We had every sort of weather you could imagine that day. Oddly enough, we had we had rain, snow, sleet, you name it, we had it.
That particular moment I had almost or that particular morning I had almost had him convinced not to go in to work that day.
But at the last second he decided he should because.
He didn't want to leave the crane operator hanging, who was a really close friend of his, and he thought that if they could get everything done that day, he could.
You could leave early that day and be home and so.
My understanding of what happened, and obviously through the years my memories have trauma, does that to you.
But what had happened is they had loaded a load of huge concrete forms.
Into a sling and for whatever reason that day Lance used two different lengths of chains, and then he didn't tie down the load properly. And so when he gave the crane operator the OK to move the load that day, the load shifted in the air.
And so and for whatever reason, which really the only person I could answer all those questions isn't here. Lance was walking directly under the load instead of around the load. And so when the load shifted in the air and came crashing down, it caught him at the back of his neck. And so it would have killed him instantly. He wouldn't have known what even had hit him.
Which of course, in the meantime leaves pandemonium on a jawed site. Those those concrete slow abs aren't aren't small.
They are huge concrete concrete slabs and so obviously it would have made quite a ruckus and it would have would have shook the building when they when they fell. And so yeah, he wouldn't have even a known.
What it hit him at the time.

Perley Brewer (Guest)   6:59
Now you mentioned when you do your presentations, the fact that your husband had been working long hours.
Just before the accident.
How tired was he at that at that time?

Rebecca    7:15
That's a great question. I would say very I I remember my mom.
I mean, it wasn't even just the weeks leading up to the incident. It had been months leading up to the incidents that the guys had been working 14 to 16 hours a day, seven days a week.
And again, alarm bells, but not alarm bells. It is what it is. It's a part of the industry. You don't. You don't give it much thought.
But I remember my mom finding a photo of him from, I think it was Christmas of 2007. I think it was to Christmas of 2008. I think it was.
And he looked like a very completely different person.
He didn't look at the same guy he was. He was tired, he was irritable, wasn't thinking, wasn't thinking clearly.
Which was so unlike him. But again, you don't really think much, much of it until after.
After the fact. But yeah, it had been months and weeks. He definitely he definitely wasn't his normal self for sure. And he he definitely.
Was a lot more on Edge and was a lot more and even the day of the incident.
Things weren't going the way. Like I I didn't normally talk to him while he was at work and and that day I did end up talking to him a little bit that day.
And even that day, things weren't going, obviously due to the weather and multiple reasons. But weather being being one of them, things weren't going the way that he hoped they were. And so he was quite irritated and agitated that things weren't going smoothly and and was still hoping that he could get off and that the job could be done that day. And so there was a sense of rushing and a sense of getting things out of the way and a sense of frustration and exhaustion and all that plays into.
Ultimately.
Someone losing their lives and and multiple lives being forever altered.
Because of that day.

Perley Brewer (Guest)   9:08
So with the time the accident you were six months pregnant. The whole period must have seemed surreal to you. What was it like?

Rebecca    9:19
So the day that I found out I actually was at or doing a baby registry, and so I was actually added toys for us in the city, like in Calgary, I'm with a friend when I when I got the call from the cops, when they were looking for me.
And to be really honest, I can't.
I can't or I don't really remember a lot of that time period. I my my body, I guess.
Shock and trauma will do that to a person. Kind of went into shutdown mode and it and it became it became an automatic sense of survival, and not only a survival for myself but a survival for our child.
As well, I was young, right? Lance was only 27 and I was only 25. And so to suddenly think that you have your whole life mapped out, right, you're excited for your first child. You just got married.
You know a baby was on the way. That was going to drastically change your life in general.
Suddenly was left reeling. That I was. I was almost on my own.
And having to rebuild from the ground up everything that you thought he would already built.
And so it was. It was a lot. I don't. I don't have a lot of solid.
Solid memories of that time.
It was it was a survivor mode. I had a baby. I had to keep alive and and then.
You know that I had to keep her alive on the outside, and then I had a toddler to take care of. And then I had to write. And so it just it just compiled.
On top of me and and being young and and. And you're not gonna find a whole lot of widows that are that are 25 and you're not gonna find a community as well.
Of people who understand and so not only was I widowed at 25, but then I also had a baby as well, and so.
While I had an amazing support system and I did and I still do.
At the end of the day, it is just me and at the end of the day it is just me taking care of a child who's not not so much of A child.
But.
Yeah, it definitely.
I definitely was in a state of numb and shockedness for a long time, like a very, like seven years long. Like I it kind of was. I put my head down and and do what I have to do in order to.
Survive for for not only myself, but for my child as well.

Perley Brewer (Guest)   11:43
So it's been 15 years since you lost Lance. What has happened during that period in your and your daughter Caitlyn's life?
Brings up to date.

Rebecca    11:53
So it's a long, long time for the first seven years, I didn't grieve for the first seven years. I I don't. I don't recommend that to anybody.
But I didn't grieve for the first seven years, and so it wasn't until my daughter was in grade school.
Where I guess you could say I I hit a proverbial wall. I guess you could say.
And it was around that same time where I found threads of life.
And I am someone that kind of just jumps all in not thinking of what that could possibly do to a person.
And so there was a lot of heavy duty counselling involved of of working through what it was like losing someone at a young age, what it was like losing someone suddenly unexpectedly. And what that does to you mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
And so you know, for that first seven years, it was my body that held me up while the rest of me wasn't doing so well.
And when I crashed and burned and had to spend several years getting healthy.
'Cause I'm not an emotional person in general at all. And so I had to learn.
Be emotional and and on top of that I had a kid who then was coming along and noticing that wait a second, this this isn't normal.
I did have a dad.
Right. And so in that process of me dealing with my emotions, my kid was hitting an age where where suddenly that became a sole focused all over again. And for Caitlin, I'm I'm a little bit more, although she has given me more permission to speak more, more openly about her.
And her own struggles.
It's a more complicated grief for my kid.
You know, she she is grown up not knowing her dad. And so she goes based solely on stories and pictures and and.
The other side of grief that a lot of people don't talk about as a secondary loss is that you lose some grief like you don't just lose the person.
Right. You lose friendships, you lose relationships. You lose all these other things. On top of losing the person that meant the world to you.
And so, as my daughter has grown and has wanted to know more stories of her dad, the people that are in the picture now have given her all the stories they they have to share. And so she has this desperate desire to know who her dad is and and any connection that she can get and. And so her grief is a more complicated one. She'll go from 1 extreme to the other.
For herself and and our relationship at times, is is incredibly rocky.
At times I I think that there is some some resentment there that I'm here and he isn't.
And and those feelings that play in your head in in the new start to believe things that aren't true. You know the joys of having a teenager now who's 15.
And so it was a lot more harder as well as as we move through those.
Those waves and those in those days versus for myself, I am definitely a lot more healthier mentally and maybe not so much physically, but mentally and emotionally healthier.
Then I have been in 15 years.
I do credit that to, you know, five years of heavy duty counselling and I do credit that to the threads of Life organisation as well. I I love going around and speaking to people. I I love hearing. I love hearing people's stories and if I can change one person's mind about the importance of safe work, then I've done my job.
We don't want another another person to go through and sorry, definitely for my kid as well.
Who is a lot more?
Aware she's she's a little bit more involved now. You know what it it bothers her greatly when she hears of another incident and and another death on the job and and especially if they have a family and and what that looks like and and stuff especially she hears that the person is pregnant and that that is a trigger.
For her as well. And so it's been, it's been a rocky like I I definitely won't sit here and say it's been sunshine and roses for 15 years.
But there definitely has been.
More pros than cons I guess I'd look for the more pros than cons. I've had to rebuild. I've had to rebuild my life on the ground up and I've had to rebuild it alone. And so it has been no easy, no easy task. It's it's draining. Solo parenting is not for the faint of heart and and parenting a child who has trauma and grief. And on top of that.
A couple years ago, she was also diagnosed with high functioning autism. On top of that, a couple years ago and so we've been having that curveball.
And at us as well as we as we adjust to what that looks like, especially as she gets older and and so that learning that adjustment too that there definitely is days where I would I would like things not to be such a drastic roller coaster.
And so it definitely hasn't been smooth sailing.
But definitely in the last several years has been, at least for myself, personally.
Has been far more better.
Mentally and emotionally than it had been.
At the beginning it takes a toll. You know it losing someone suddenly. I mean, grief is grief and loss is loss. But when you lose some, someone suddenly and unexpectedly, it's a whole different ball game than than other griefs, right? It's whatever that last conversation is. It's whatever that last memory. It is, whatever that last right then, and especially when you don't have the answers. And and we I've had to have to have had to come to terms with a lot of stuff that I'm just never going to know. I'm not going to know why.
Right. And and the why's are gonna make you lose your ever loving mind.
And so I've had to come to terms and which is a lot harder for my daughter, who is a very black and white child like her dad. And so she needs those answers and and doesn't understand why.
You can't have them.
Versus for myself, I've had to come to terms that you're you're just not going to know you're not. You're not going to. I can't have the answers. I don't know the answers. The only person that can answer a lot of those questions isn't here to answer them. And. And I've had to come to terms.
Which isn't an easy thing to come to terms with.
With that, and I've had to come to terms with, I may not get all my memories of that period of my life back as well, and I don't know if I want to.
Either.
People say some of the stupidest things when someone is grieving and especially when someone is young and grieving.
But there definitely are days that I that I wish I could remember.
More of that.
Of that period of my life or or what what I did or said.
But yeah, it's been a little bit more of a harder, a harder journey through through the years for sure, but a rewarding at the same time.

Perley Brewer (Guest)   19:10
We've done a number of podcasts on the construction industry. We also did one on what we call storm chasers or individuals here in our province who work as lineman. So they go every time there's a major storm in the US, they will go down to, you know, mid to southern US and they will work down there and they will work days.
Typical days, probably 14 to 16 hours, so working long days is.
Is an issue. It's an issue in a lot of industries and and the topic has been brought up a number of times in our podcast about concerns that I think everybody has. When people work such long hours and of course some the more you do it, the more tired you get. How do you feel that really contributed to your husband's death and and what advice would you like to share with our listeners today and and what to do about?
Working long hours to to help them deal with that.

Rebecca    20:12
I definitely think it it was a contributing factor. I I I I am careful to say it was the main factor of.
Of his life being lost that day, but definitely plays a contributing factor. I don't think he would have made the choices that he made that day had he been thinking clearly.
Whether that is related to fatigue, whether it is related to.
You know, just rushing to get it done.
He would much rather have been doing the baby registry with me that day, right? His mind. His mind was elsewhere that day.
Which I think also doesn't help the situation as well.
I think the biggest the biggest thing is especially for younger workers, I think I mean, for really for anybody, but for those younger workers.
Is is the clear understanding that you have a right to say no.
And I think we have this misconception and and maybe not necessarily a misconception, but but a a belief that I've run through it, the construction industry that if you say no, you'll lose your job or if you say no, you know and.
Especially for those younger guys, the understanding is that you can't and that your life is important.
And your safety is important. And if you don't feel safe doing something.
Then say no. Whether it is, I'm not trained in that area.
You know, I I just worked a 17 hour day and I need a day to sleep or I need a day to be resting with my family, which I realised is a harder thing to do. I realise it's it's a lot easier for me to sit here and say.
Just say no.
But I think it plays a role. I think we have this. We have this idea that that we can't or or that we'll lose, we'll lose our job or lose our placement or.
Be made fun of or?
Be pressured other ways.
Lance Lance shouldn't have gone to work that day. He he really shouldn't have gone to work that day.
For multiple reasons.
And unfortunately, he felt that he couldn't say no.
And we've, we had that argument on multiple occasions and and he just kept on saying, well, when I leave this job, I'll I'll say something when I leave this job, I'll say something well, obviously.
That didn't happen.
And so I think.
At least the frustration and the and the concern for myself is.
You have a right to say no and and we have a moral obligation too. If if you see something that is unsafe on the job or or really anywhere.
And we don't say something. We are just as much at fault to the person who is making the mistake to begin with. And not only then are you putting yourself at risk, but you're putting the people around you at risk as well. And I do think complacency plays a role too. I I I don't just think.
Exhaustion place. I mean that is that is a part of the role. But I think complacency is too right. We we skip things we we cut corners even in our everyday life.
Because nothing happened. Well, who's to say that 105th time something isn't going to go terribly wrong and either you're going to lose your life or someone you know is going to, or someone's going to be injured or someone you know is going to be injured. And and I often say in in presentations and stuff right now.
That is not a matter of if it's happen, it's a matter of when and it's a matter of when that is going to happen to you or it's going to happen to somebody that you know.
And so, just like every day, I mean, I live with chronic fatigue. It's a constant battle, is one of the it's one of the autoimmune disorders that I got following my husband's death. One of the many health issues that I had been that I had been battling with. And so I understand that the feeling of constantly being.
Tired, fatigued all the time and so even for myself it it's learning of of.
The boundaries within myself, of what I can and cannot.
Can and cannot do there are. There are times I probably shouldn't be behind a wheel of a vehicle. There are times that I am. I am much too tired and and can't be out and do things. And so I think as a culture in a society we have to learn to say no.
And not today and and that.
Truly, fatigue will play a role. It may not be the sole role or the sole reason for something happening, but I think will be one of the many reasons and so my encouragement is you just.
It's OK to say no.
And in your life is important and everyone has a right to go home at the end of the day.

Perley Brewer (Guest)   25:16
I often do workshops and during the workshops I always encourage people to have a discussion that the supper table, dinner table, whatever.
About health and safety, especially when it it comes to young people. But in in a general sense, if you were talking to a group of people about having that conversation, what advice would you give them? What would you tell them to say to their other family members?

Rebecca    25:47
About the importance of workplace safety.

Perley Brewer (Guest)   25:48
But yeah, yeah.

Rebecca    25:58
You're not invincible.
I think we have, especially for those younger guys, we have this idea that it's not gonna happen. It's not gonna happen to me. It's not gonna happen to us. Case in point, we have that same thought.
And so I think we need to move away from this idea that we're not invincible. And like I said earlier, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when.
Something will happen.
And if we can move away from this idea of if or it's not going to happen.
And and we have this idea in our head. It's when it's going to happen or when it's going to happen to somebody that I know.
And not become complacent in that either.
No, obviously also not to go around living in fear that something's gonna happen.
But I think if we have a healthy dose of in the back of our heads, the importance of not only keeping ourselves safe, but keeping the people that we work with.
It's safe.
Because their lives are also important and they also have families.
As well.
I think we're gonna go so much further, I think. I think in a culture and a society we have this idea that it's a me first mentality. I'm only here to take care of myself.
Or my family.
Which which isn't wrong.
But I think we need to.
Also be thinking of the people around us too that.
That is not just our lives that are affected, and I think that's the idea, like so many people are like, well, it wouldn't bother us, 'cause, we'd be gone, right? Or I'm sure we've all heard that saying before.
Or have people have commented that it's a ripple effect? Grief has a ripple effect. It's not just the immediate people's lives that are forever altered. It's the people that were there that day. It's coworkers, it's it's family members, it's friends. It's it's, you know, the companies. It's it's everybody's lives are forever altered.
By either a workplace fatality or injury.
And so I think, yeah, like I think to get into the idea that you're not invincible and that life is short live everyday, like it's your last day. Life is, life is short.
As well, you never know and and anybody that understands sudden and unexpected loss lives their lives in a very different way.
Than than people that don't we know what it's like to.
Have to live without that. We know what it's like to to lose something so quickly and we and we know what that's like. And so often times.
Your perspective changes.
It it's a. It's a big talk in our in our household obviously and and and not to say that I never noticed when I heard about a fatality or an injury in the workforce beforehand, but it definitely is more of an impact since losing my husband that you know it, it often comes back. It is often aware, especially if it involves the crane.
It's definitely a topic of conversation, right? It's a it's a very different world than what you lived in before. When it becomes a sole focus of what, why your life was forever altered.
So yes, I would, I would encourage them that it, you're not invincible and and don't think that you are.

Perley Brewer (Guest)   29:30
You mentioned excuse me, you mentioned earlier that you had, you've been involved with threats of life. How have they helped you deal with the loss of your husband?

Rebecca    29:40
I could talk for hours about threads of life. Threads of Life is a fantastic organisation. I found them.
I always get the air wrong all the time, so I just keep tacking on here 'cause I swear I've been with them forever and it's amazing, but I found them about six or seven years ago. I'm kind of around the same time that I started on my journey of of healing with counselling.
They are a fantastic organisation. It was really nice. Is really nice to be around other people that get it.
That you can walk into a room and not have to explain things.
When you say you're OK, they know that you're not.
And so to be around other people that have lost a spouse to be around other people. I've learned a lot. I've learned. I've learned a tonne.
Just sitting with people who have workplace injuries.
It's a very different life to live than those of us that have fatalities.
And just as important, really, I think we, we have this idea that one is worse than the other.
But both are at life altering.
And so to have this organisation that that came along and that under that understood I I jumped in with both with both feet. I went to my first family forum by myself.
Which was a daunting a daunting task.
Six years ago.
And kind of went from there. I've I've been involved with speakers, speakers, bureaus and so for the last six years I go around speaking to construction companies.
About the importance of workplace safety.
About how a workplace fatality completely altered altered my life, I'm not the same person I was at all.
Although I have to say I kind of like the me now than the person back then which makes a difference.
And from there I joined and and support with their volunteer family support guides, who who come alongside someone else who is grieving. And so I've worked with other widows and and I've sat with other widows, which is where am I? Where am my heart truly is.
Well, I had the most amazing support system. Couldn't have done it without my family, especially my family. Couldn't have done it, especially without my mom and my brother especially.
If you're still isolated and lonely at the end of the day, even with that amazing support system, and I didn't have that support system at the beginning. And so if I can come alongside another widow.
And be there for her to give her something that I didn't have back then.
I will.
It's an isolating, lonely place to be in.
Widows are often ostracised. Widows are often kind of left in the background and even worse for widowers. Really even worse, even worse.
And so to have that community with friends of life have been huge. They have been amazing help with my kid, with, with Caitlyn as well.
Caitlin just went to her first family form a couple months ago.
As well as while she was the only teenager, she was welcomed with open eyes. She was like a celebrity in there and that they've all heard about her.
And so I thought that was really good for her as well to kind of.
Hear other people's other people's stories as well, which which can be really sad and heartbreaking too.
But also I think good for her as well.
But they definitely.
Talking about it, at least for myself.
Helps a lot.
But I've gotten so many people that ask, well, isn't it harder? Do you do you find you can't grieve as well or that is prolonged because I'm so involved with friends of life and and my answer is no. I find it to be very therapeutic. My my story has changed in some ways. Details of it have changed over the years.
As I evolve.
And how my desire of of change comes not that not that it isn't important to talk about Lance, because it is it's vitally important to talk about him and to keep his legacy alive.
But my sole desire is that there's so much more to the story, right? Like it doesn't just end there. It didn't just end the day that Lance died. It didn't like my whole. Like, yes, my whole life altered. But there is so much more to the story. I'm more than just a widow. I'm more than just a solo parent there. There is more to the story and my desire to connect the two. Now when I do speaking engagements, my desire to have that be more about.
The mental health side of of workplaces.
You know that the importance of.
Talking about it the the impact it has made, the the ripple effects that have since come from that and my desire to connect both.
That has changed over the years. It's more about the what now, The Who am I away from the grief and loss has been my biggest question.
Over the last.
Probably five years since the 10th anniversary, the biggest question is who am I away from that? Who can I be away from that? And how can I connect?
The two and so threads of life has helped a lot in that in that connecting the the encouragement to talk about things, the encouragement to work through things, the encouragement to write it out, and I've I've written about three, I think 3 different blogs for threads of life that have gone out in their magazines through that journey in the last, especially the last five years. It's been more of a growth in the last five years.
Than it has in the whole 15, the 15 years.
And so threads of life has played a massive role.
And who I am now and who I hope to be.
The longer I mean this is, this is never going to go away. And so you know who I hope to be down the road as well.

Perley Brewer (Guest)   35:52
We'll look, Rebecca, we'd like to thank you very much for joining us on our podcast today. We wish certainly you and and your daughter Caitlin.
Sort of a good future ahead. And as you deal continue to deal with the with the loss. Thank you for being willing to Share your story with us for our listeners today.
Two great messages from Rebecca.
As far as a loss goes, as well as threads of life and and the good work that they do as well, thank you very much for listening to our podcast today. Stay safe, we will see you next week.

Rebecca    36:32
Bye bye.